PTSD: My Race Demons

Every triathlete has a race story... And when you have enough bad stories, it's much more entertaining to look back on the bad ones, laugh about them and persevere through your fears!

In this post, I'll lay out my race demons which have caused me some serious PTSD!!!

DISCLAIMER: This post is quite long... It's a quick read, but it's long... haha :D

#1 - I've never run more than a mile and you want me to run 3 after swimming AND biking?

(Photo credit: http://memegenerator.net/instance/60567409)

I covered a lot of this one in my post about my first triathlon. This one was more of a short term shock and awe than a lingering disorder. Luckily, I was able to get over this fear relatively quickly :) All it takes is a little training and you can find out just how far you can push yourself!

#2 - Kicking, punching and the crazy crap that happens in the water

This next one I experienced at my first triathlon and have experienced it in many of them since. In this sport, you're racing against yourself, but there are inevitably other races on the course and to beat yourself, you have to gain every second you can, whether you're setting your first time or trying to beat a previous time. So naturally, you're coming out of the gun aggressive!

That gun just happens to be at the swim, where you're running or diving into (sometimes) murky waters and storming ahead. In that process, you're likely to encounter those other racers. And well, if you don't care, you just keep doing whatever it is you're doing and if you hit em, you hit em. Well other people have that same thought and if you're in the crowd or just the line of fire, better be prepared to withstand some kicking, punching and who knows what!!!

(Photo credit: http://memegenerator.net/instance/32637315)

When Googling for an appropriate meme, I also found this Kevin Hart gem quote that rings true:

(Photo credit: http://funnycomedianquotes.com/funny-kevin-hart-jokes-and-quotes.html)

So to avoid any broken noses, pains or drowning, I decided to avoid the crowds, start off on my own little area and swim generally away from people. Every once in a while, I get in the path of some rando not swimming straight... But I can handle that!

#3 - Calf cramping, the horror

(Photo credit: http://www.coreperformance.com/knowledge/injury-pain/muscle-cramps.html)

The first time I cramped, I had no clue how bad cramping could be. I mean I had grown up playing sports, had many long baseball double headers in the hot sun in Vegas and yet I still never had severe cramps. But boy, when I had my very first calf cramp, it was like someone had stabbed my calf and was just digging it in...

I remember the first time very vividly. It was my third triathlon and I felt very confident. I had been training for about 4 months and it was located in Hermosa Beach, my hometown at the time. In fact, the bike was in an area I had ridden many times before and the run was along the strand on the beach that I had done my training runs on. It had great views and was as flat as you could ask for!

As I got off my bike in transition, my leg started to feel a little stiff and funny but I figured I could walk it out. I switched to my running gear, took a swig of water and went on my way. My legs felt heavy, but I remember it always feeling that way whenever I did a brick (two disciplines in succession, in this case bike to run). I ignored it and kept going. No more than 100 yds later, the cramp kicked in... SHARP, STABBING pain that was just absolutely immobilizing! I stopped, I tried to stretch, I ate my gel (this would be useless in the short term) and just started panicking. Luckily, a spectator had a bottle of water and gave it to me and within a couple minutes I was able to at least start walking. It was insane. I had never felt a cramp that severe before. I slowly hobbled the 3 miles to the finish line and didn't think all that much about it later...

At my very next race, the Boney Mountain Trail Half Marathon, it happened again! But this time, it was much, much worse. For this race, I just had some water and a couple gels, thinking that I had never cramped on any training runs and that I should be fine. Well hubris is the downfall of even the best men...

I also remember this experience vividly as well. I had just made it past most of the ridiculous climbing around mile 10 (most of which I walked) and I was on a relatively easier area which was right before the steep decent starting around mile 11.

(Photo credit: http://www.genericevents.com/trailrace/maps/boney_13mile_elev.jpg)

As I made it to the crest and was thinking happily about the upcoming downhill, my calf suddenly locked up. Because of my previous experience, I knew immediately what it was and it wasn't good. Debilitating pain yet again. But this time I was worried. This time I was at the top of this giant mountain, at 1800 ft of elevation with an empty water bottle and no aid station nearby. The worst thoughts came to my head. I don't even wanna go into detail to how bad they were. As I stood there, unable to walk on that leg, I had the brilliant idea to just start hopping towards the downhill!

Ya that was stupid. As I started to hop, my leg didn't get any better. Then all of a sudden, my other calf, the one I was hopping on, locked up too! I mean it was just the worst! There I stood, both calves cramping and just no idea what to do. Luckily, a stranger came by, gave me some of their water and tossed me some salt pills. She said just down the pills, massage the cramps and try to stretch. You should at least be able to move in a few minutes. It seemed like ages passed me by, but eventually I did and eventually I crossed that finish line.

That woman's kindness was so amazing, but the knowledge she bestowed about salt pills would surely prepare me for future races! I may not be 100% past the fear of cramping, but I definitely am at least more prepared!

NOTE: I did the Boney Mountain Trail Half this past year because I had a bone to pick with it last year. And well, I did 20 minutes better and didn't cramp! So I guess you can say, lesson learned! I was still scared of cramping going into the race though... :(

#4 - Entire lower body cramping... And you thought the calves were bad...

(Photo credit: http://www.tmz.com/2014/06/06/lebron-james-ripped-by-gatorade-our-athletes-can-take-the-heat/)

So remember that last sentence about feeling prepared? Ya that worked well for a handful of races. But when I tried to tackle the beast that is Wildflower (just the Olympic this time), I learned that I knew very little.

I hate to sound like a broken record, but I remember this one very vividly as well. I mean it wouldn't be traumatizing if I didn't right?

For this race, I felt very prepared. I had more nutrition, I had better nutrition, my fitness level was higher and I had many experiences racing by now. I mean surely I was ready! In fact, as I approached a hill on the run (I don't know if it had a name or anything), I started to feel some cramping in my calves again. Recalling my learned knowledge, I quickly swallowed a salt pill, drank some water and thought "awesome, now keep going."

Well no more than a few steps later, EVERYTHING locked up. My entire lower body had just cramped all together and all at once. Both calves, both quads, both hammies and even the glutes. IT WAS HORRIBLE!!! I mean all I could do was stand in the same spot. I couldn't inch forward, I couldn't really bend over at the hips and I couldn't even sit or bend down. It was terrible. I added the LeBron pic only because I knew exactly how he felt. And I definitely wished that there was someone there to carry me to a sideline...

But the lockup was bad. I was screaming to the nearby volunteers to get me some bananas, some water, some gatorade and even just some salt. "Anything with electrolytes" I shouted! They couldn't find anything better than Gatorade so I downed it just kept praying. Nothing seemed to work though. I mean it got so bad I started punching my legs. It was bad. To this day, I don't even really know how I fixed the problem. But I definitely remember the pain and particularly remember the volunteer college student who kept screaming "Anybody got a banana? Somebody get this guy a banana!!!" At some point, the sharp pains seemed to dissipate and I could get back to walking a bit! It'd lock up a couple times before the race ended, but this part was THE WORST!

From this experience, I learned to do a few things:
1) Focus more on my fitness - fitness is always key and you can never have enough
2) Train for races based on the conditions - if it's gonna be hot, train in the sun; if there are hills, find some hills; if you have a tread water start, practice treading water before swimming; each course is unique, has it's own challenges and you should prepare for them appropriately
3) No such thing as too much nutrition - extra salt pills, an extra gel, some chews... just have extra stuff just in case; adding these things won't add much more weight than you're already carrying
4) Use the on-course aid stations - take a water every time, take a gel or a banana if they have it, don't be so naive to think that you've got it, those few seconds won't kill you

Since then, my cramping experiences have been very infrequent (although I did have some pretty bad cramps at Wildflower Long Course this past year). But for the most part, it's been under control, somewhat manageable or I haven't freaked out as much when it happened. Clearly though, it has left some scars...

#5 - Crashing and the pains of serious road rash

This pic highlights the worst experience ever. My crash at the Catalina Sprint Tri last year left the biggest PTSD mark on my psyche and I have the physical scars to prove it!

It was 2014 and the crew was doing this tri on Catalina to close out the season and have a nice weekend on the island. It's a sprint, it should be quick and easy and we can have some fun the rest of the time. Well little did we know...

The conditions were wet and rainy on race morning. They even considered changing the bike course to be completely flat. But by race start, they decided the rain had settled and it wasn't that wet so no big deal. Well that ended up being a poor choice as many people had crashed. But having check out the other racers post-race, I definitely had it the worst...

I just remember finishing my second climb out of three and looking to again drop the chain and blow down the hill to make up time for my slow climbing ability. I was again a few hundred yards from the decent start before the unfortunate happened. The decent had many hairpin turns which are not ideal for keeping speed. But being an adventurous idiot looking to make up time, I decided to try and take them as tight as possible. Well coming down one turn, I leaned into it and then slowly wasn't able to counter balance. Within a split second, I felt the bike lose the edge (I think it was along one of the road lines which would make sense) and then the next thing I knew, I was slamming on the pavement, my bike flew off and I was in pain and shock!

Lucky for me, the field had spread out so much that there was no one near me and no one had passed by. I lay on the ground for a split second trying to comprehend what had just happened. As I tried to stand up, I felt woozy and didn't have any legs. It was scary. I had to brace myself against a nearby wall just to get some balance. A couple minutes went by and I started to walk over to collect my bike. I was so lucky it didn't flip over the edge (or that I didn't either) and, after checking it out, that nothing was broken. I had some minor damage and a few scratches but it was mostly ok. I got back on and finished the race with blood EVERYWHERE. I'd eventually need a lot of hydrogen peroxide and bandages for the next two weeks. I never saw a doctor, but as far as I know, there was nothing broken and I didn't suffer any concussions...

But since that experience, I have SIGNIFICANT FEARS going downhill. I used to be that young buck who was fearless! I'd never brake downhill. I'd lean into turns. I'd push the pace. Now? Well now I'm always trying to go slow and always being careful and anytime I pickup significant speed I just get nervous and tense. It really is the worst. But a spill changes you. You realize that the pain you'll suffer for days or weeks or possibly even months will not be worth trying to get an extra few seconds or minutes off your race time. And it's definitely not worth it during a training or long ride.

All the others I have generally overcome and they don't cause me much stress or fear. But downhills now give me some heartache and freak me out. This one... This one I think I'll never get over. :(

#6 - Flat tires = THE WORST (not really though, #5 is definitely worse)

(Photo credit: http://www.savvyeat.com/how-to-change-a-flat-tire/)

This weekend I experienced two sucky firsts: 1) my first flat tire 2) my first flat tire during a race. And what made it worse, was it happened before a race as we pulled up to the site and then again on the course with a field I could have ended up dominating (but still got 5th overall). The latter sucked quite a bit... Since this experience is new, I'm not yet sure if there will be significant PTSD that comes from it. But in the short term, the challenges are stuck in my mind. I'll probably be stressing out and checking my gear repeatedly over the next year both on race-eve and race-morning.

On race-eve at the Nakamaru house in Valencia, I had noticed my tire pressure was low going into the race, but I figured I could just pump it up in the morning and be fine. Well little did I know that a 10 min drive would be long enough for the tire to deflate. Immediately I knew: I'm gonna have to change my tire for the FIRST TIME and it's going to be right before this race. Getting the tire off was really no problem, but getting the new tire on for 3 n00bs changing a tire for the first time turned out to be impossible. We struggled mightily for like 15 minutes, even puncturing the first spare tire. It was comical how challenging it was for us. Lucky for us, a very nice stranger who was a very seasoned bike mechanic showed up. He took over, talked us through it as he did it and had the tire on and ready to go within 5 minutes. Surely, I thought, I could thank my stars and everything would be okay!

Well little did I know, this was more of a bad omen than a good one. I had just completed my second loop of the Castaic prison (yes, the Castaic Sprint Triathlon bike course goes around the prison and this time it was two loops because the race couldn't be done at the lake). As I came storming down the hill in hopes of chasing down a friend, I started to notice a little fish tail. It was a small one, but I had PTSD from the experience at Catalina just above. So I started to slow down and pumped the brakes very slowly. I kept rolling along and started to really feel it lag and my stomach dropped. Surely, this was a flat tire. And sure enough, I would pass a pair of cops who shouted out to me that the pressure was low. I tried to keep rolling at a slow pace, but as soon as I felt another fish tail, I stopped the bike, got off and started walking.

Immediately my mind went to very negative and depressing thoughts. First race flat and blew all my spares trying to fix it this morning. So not only am I already losing time, but I'm also unable to fix it. For a second I just wanted to pout and feel sorry for myself. But I would soon pick myself up and find the strength to do the ridiculous. I took off my bike shoes, steadied my bike with the other hand and started running. I mean I probably looked so ridiculous and I had a couple people scream out sympathetic words to me, but there I was trying to finish. As I ran, I even had some cops ask me if I wanted a ride back. I told them I didn't think my race would count if they gave me a lift, they looked at each other sheepishly and then said "Well good luck buddy." Running that 2ish miles was a trying time. But I tried to keep a decent pace without injuring myself and kept my heart rate manageable as I knew I still had the run part of the course to finish. I'd end up getting 5th in my age group because the field was small, but I gave up at least 15 minutes because of the flat and maybe more if I could've had some energy saved up for a better run. But hey... shit happens...

So those are all my major race demons to date. I didn't highlight every single race challenge that has happened, but I wanted to at least bucket the main ones together. Every race has its own set of challenges which don't even take into account the unique field and the ever changing competitors. That's actually part of the intrigue of triathlon and what makes each race different and special. And while race issues suck, they can definitely make for some character building experiences and are, at the very least, great stories to get some laughs later on!

(Photo credit: http://www.keepcalm-o-matic.co.uk/p/keep-calm-and-play-on-playa/)